I thought I’d take a break from blogging to share my current workout regimen. Naturally, as a super parent, I have ample time set aside during my day to take care of my personal fitness. Hours and hours to spend working off that baby weight I accumulated without actually carrying the baby. Well, perhaps I don’t have all that much time to hit the gym, but I think I’ve developed a solid routine below…
3 sets of lowering surprisingly heavy toddler girl into crib.
1000 squat-downs where I pick up food my toddler threw on the floor.
12 Sprints from the bedroom to the outside trash, because even a diaper genie can’t suppress these smells.
25 Bicep curls of the newborn while trying to simultaneously hold her and entertain the toddler.
8 Kneel downs, where I pray my sanity holds just a little while longer.
15 calf raises, where I peer over my older neighbors’ fence and wonder how they ever survived long enough to see their kids move out.
2 Sets of 20 Eyerolls, as my wife explains yet again why my diaper changing methods are lackluster.
80 Reps of Push-Toddler-Ups, as once you give them the airplane ride in your arms a single time, prepare to do it over and over.
40 minutes of tossing and turning in bed, waking up constantly to check the newborn’s breathing.
3 hours in the sauna…oh wait, I meant 3 hours of sleep. Per day. Every day.
25 sets of stairs, because the laundry room is in the basement and all these blowouts are keeping the washer rolling non-stop.
12 Deadlift repetitions per day, which is basically just me getting up from the couch or chair I’m seated in…I’m nothing but dead weight.
Core workout – I engage and challenge my abdominals by stress eating excessively whenever possible to the point of discomfort.
Pull-Ups – Nope not yet, still in diapers.
30 Dips – Dipping chips, bacon, or whatever is handy into an oversized jar of peanut butter.
12 Reps of Arm Raises, where I throw my arms up in desperation and frustration.
Lunges – Done sporadically throughout the day…I lunge to catch the cup the toddler just pushed off the table, lunge for the dirty diaper, lunge for the exit when momma comes into the room…
10 Hours of Standing Up – Cooking, cleaning, diapering, bathing…I’d say 10 hours on my feet feels like the most intense workout ever created.
All that should get us shredded by summer, no? It’s only April…so plenty of time right?